disclaimer: this is not a blog post to get comments or warm fuzzies.
i’m up late tonight feeling a bit restless. one of those weekends where the weather didn’t do much other than rain. i felt a little confined to the house because of the weather and a little melancholy. i don’t like weekends like that.
tomorrow morning i get to go with dawn to the doctor for her first official visit to check on the baby. 10 weeks! thinking about that makes me think about being a father. i get to be a dad here in a few short months. that’s huge!
it kinda hit me in the car the other day when i had some quiet time to think about it. one of the first things i get to do as a dad will be to baptize my own son/daughter. wow, that’s a big deal. i’ve never done a baptism before and so i’m really pumped to be able to offer up our child to God in the covenant that he gave to use so many centuries ago. it’s not just a dedication, but it’s more. it’s showing to the world that God lives up to his promises and we get to participate in the plan of God. it’s not just what dawn and i can do but it’s being a part of what God offers our child. that’s amazing and what i’m working on at church it to help people realize they are an integral part of the plan and we must work at living up to our covenant vows to every child in the church and seking out every child outside of the church.
but i am also wondering what kind of dad i will be? that’s another very sobering thought. this new life will be in our hands and i wonder how i will rise to the challenge of being a father. will i be like my dad because those are the patterns i grew up with? will i make progress in areas my dad wasn’t able to? will i be the kind of man with integrity and character my dad was? what junk will i pass on to my child that i vowed i never would? will i do the same things i watch friends do as i shake my head? what kind of father will i be? i don’t think i’m worried or stressed but there is lots to chew on, think about and prepare for. all you dads who may read this are probably laughing out loud knowing that nothing can really prepare you for what is about to happen to us.
so tomorrow the reality of our child becomes a little more concrete. i think we get to hear a heart beat and maybe another ultrasound. and six and a half months from now we should be brining our little one home from the hospital. wow!