i resolve to live
thinking about my last post a few mintues ago, i want to post about living in 2009.
tonight while walking around st. augustine, florida, i told her i would like to live in 2009. see, i’m a wreck pysically, which i think leads to being a wreck emotionally and mentally. not that i’m so unhinged that i’m going to go off on people or drive a car into a wall. far from it. however, i think the stain of not taking myself is catching up with me and i’m really so tired of it.
i think all of the serious medical issues i have are related to my weight and lack of taking care of my self. i have…
it’s a recipe for disaster and i don’t want it anymore. at 280 pounds i’m going nowhere fast and i definitely want to be around for dawn and our child. she doesn’t need to be a widow collecting an insurance check! the problem has been that i just don’t find the discipline in myself to make too many changes and that sucks for me. i know what will probably work, but nothing changes. i cry out to God about this but i wonder if the lazy way i live is my own “thorn in the flesh” that keeps me from living life to the fullest like God make me for. so what will finally make the difference? when do i hit bottom before dropping dead so that i have a chance back towards health? what’s it going to take for me? is it a pipe dream for me to even hope i can make something better can happen?
these are the questions i ask myself in the wee hours of the mornining when i can’t sleep and lay awake stressing myself out. you wanna know the worst one?
is it too late?
that’s the one that gives me the willies. i didn’t start out with the post trying to make this all sound so bad, but i know something has to break through in my life so that things change. i’m not done living life, not done being a husband, not quite yet a working father and want to live.
so whatever it looks like and for as much as it counts…
…i resolve to live in 2009.