u t h p s t r
in His grip, thankfully!

i resolve to live

thinking about my last post a few mintues ago, i want to post about living in 2009.

tonight while walking around st. augustine, florida, i told her i would like to live in 2009.  see, i’m a wreck pysically, which i think leads to being a wreck emotionally and mentally.  not that i’m so unhinged that i’m going to go off on people or drive a car into a wall. far from it.  however, i think the stain of not taking myself is catching up with me and i’m really so tired of it.

i think all of the serious medical issues i have are related to my weight and lack of taking care of my self.  i have…


…sleep apnea

…acid reflux

…high cholesterol

it’s a recipe for disaster and i don’t want it anymore. at 280 pounds i’m going nowhere fast and i definitely want to be around for dawn and our child.  she doesn’t need to be a widow collecting an insurance check! the problem has been that i just don’t find the discipline in myself to make too many changes and that sucks for me.  i know what will probably work, but nothing changes.  i cry out to God about this but i wonder if the lazy way i live is my own “thorn in the flesh” that keeps me from living life to the fullest like God make me for. so  what will finally make the difference?  when do i hit bottom before dropping dead so that i have a chance back towards health?  what’s it going to take for me? is it a pipe dream for me to even hope i can make something better can happen?

these are the questions i ask myself in the wee hours of the mornining when i can’t sleep and lay awake stressing myself out.  you wanna know the worst one?

is it too late?

that’s the one that gives me the willies.  i didn’t start out with the post trying to make this all sound so bad, but i know something has to break through in my life so that things change. i’m not done living life, not done being a husband, not quite yet a working father and want to live.

so whatever it looks like and for as much as it counts…

…i resolve to live in 2009.

pax: ty


6 Responses to “i resolve to live”

  1. Hey bro… Needless to say, I won’t be telling mom about this post but it made me cry to read it… I know it’s hard to do because I have struggled with my weight and trying to figure out how to fit exercise in with “life” and how to balance “life” with the importance of my weight? It sounds like you have come to the realization that it’s a matter OF your “life” nfor you and I know you definately want to LIVE!!! We want you to live too so we will pray the Lord will speak to you on this and help you to make the changes He wants you to make! Love to you and Dawn and baby Hogue in 2009!! Laura

  2. Ty…
    What you wrote tonight struck me. You have the desire to be around for your family – and I know God does too – and because of that, it is NOT too late. I “resolved” the same thing for myself 2 years ago. If you ever want to hear more about my story and journey of becoming a healthier person – let me know.

    ~Julie DeVisser

  3. Ty –

    Praying this is the year that you truly live, and find a healthy rhythm to your life. I appreciated your honesty, and I will echo what’s already been said,, “it’s not too late!”


  4. Ty, Greg started weight watchers last summer and has lost 45 lbs.
    He said it wasn’t that hard to follow. I lost weight on the stress diet
    but I won’t recommend it.

  5. You can do it! The only person holding you back is you. Put a “fat” picture on you’re mirror . . . next to the verse “I can do all things through HIM who gives me strength.”

    Mike lost 40lbs, because he came to the same conclusion as you. Reducing portion sizes was a big help for him – along with running a few times a week. He started out slow . . . 1 mile was hard for him . . . and slow. Now he’s run the 5/3 Riverbank run (15.6 miles) twice. Also, stick to whole foods. The closer the food is to it’s original form the better.

    Every morning, recommit yourself to this goal. Each morning is new, and a fresh start. And when you start to see the lbs melt off, you’ll be addicted!

    I’ll be praying for you!

  6. The area of weight and wellness has been one of the toughest battles of my life. You can call it what you will, but I believe for me it was/is a spiritual battle. I guess anything that seeks to destroy us, is not from God. So…..I am now at a point where I each day decide to “live” and ask God to decrease my physical hunger and increase my spiritual hunger (a good friend suggested this prayer) I also did not get on a scale for several months this time. It can become a terrible judge.
    It’s NEVER too late! God is good, and wants you well and whole! Accountablility of some kind is good too!
    You’re going to be an awesome daddy! :o)

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