heaven help little ella…
everything is great this morning. happy mommy, screaming hungry baby…
…and a few thoughts are running through my mind.
first is i’m overwhelmed at how precious, wonderful and beautiful my little girl is. as i look at her and hold her, i’m amazed at how perfect she looks and how much love there is for this tiny little peanut. no regrets whatsoever that i didn’t get a boy. not for a moment. she’s more than i could have ever hoped for. i prayed that she would be healthy and not ugly and she is so much more than not ugly, she’s amazingly beautiful. because of this joy and wonder and love for her, it leads me to he next two things i’m thinking!
caring for her. in a way i feel sorry for her because i will be a very concerned, protective and cautious daddy. this comes from a very loving yet nervous and dare i say “overprotective” mother. it’s not that i couldn’t do anything, but mom usually ran a bit twitchy and cautious. ask any family member about the time i was tied to a tree at age 5 so i wouldn’t wander off into lake tahoe. anyhow, i think i will now just start to understand why mom was like that and it was based on love. i know i will be watching her like a hawk! where are you going? who are you going with? will the parents be home? all of these questions will be common phrases in ella’s life!
protecting her will be huge too! this is the kind of protection that might go to that deep, dark and ugly place inside of me if someone does something stupid with my little girl. what came to mind last night were the creeds, “you make my daughter cry, i make you bleed!” or “try and touch her and you’ll be pulling back a bloody stump!” i have an uncle willis that had a talk with every boy that ever went out with my cousin doreen. she loved dating, was a great person to go out with, lots of fun, was great at conversation but definitely not someone that would be naughty dating. even though doreen would never have done anything dumb, uncle willis still met every boy and took them for “the walk” around the neighborhood before they could go out. the talk on the walk was basically, you touch my daughter in a way that i wouldn’t appreciate, you lose a most precious body part. i now can identify with that sentiment and will be looking for that good balance between dangerous and slightly crazy dad to put the “fear of God” into any boy that would even think about making a poor choice with my daughter. i love how bill engvall the comedian puts it when he talked about his daughter and what he told boys. “i’m not afraid to go back to prison.” because if my daughter is hurt, my life means nothing to me and you better run!
maybe this isn’t so pastoral, but there is the sensation of protection for this vulnerable and precious little girl that now is my job to watch over. sorry if that offended anyone, some of this is in jest, but the love and care that my emotions are full of right now also bring with them a healthy dose of psycho dad protectionism. and i’m ok with that! just remember: don’t mess with my little girl, ever!