joy, tears and timebombs
so we have had ella home now for a week today! what an incredible amount of joy this precious little girl has brought to our family already. it’s even strange saying the word family because even though dawn and i were a family all along, the addition of ella has added so many new dimensions to that word. pretty cool. as new parents we are being psycho [in actually many ways] about each smile, burp, facial expression, poo and other thing that she does. i’m snapping a million pictures and we’re both in awe of what God does in making little ones.
but there have been tears too!
with all of the emotions running so high taking care of something so fragile [actually not as much as we think but we don’t know any better yet!] we’ve both been on edge and tears have come much easier lately. and it’s not just dawn. i’ve cried holding her, cried about live, cried about dumb stuff and been ok with it all. i learning it’s a part of how i’m wired to be a dad i guess. and it’s a good thing. being tender for my wife and for my daughter shows them a deeper kind of love, a different expression of strength and lets them know how much i care about them dearly!
and then the timebombs…
i start getting an impending sense of doom after dinner each night. the closer the clock gets to 9 the more i get stressed and anxious. why, you ask? sleepy time for ella. actually, not putting her down. she does that ok. it’s the staying down that she needs to learn how to do. bath, nurse, wrap, rock and paci and she “SHOULD” be good to go. but she’s still flip flopped days and nights so she’s not with the plan yet [or maybe it’s we who need to realize it’s about her plan?] anywho, most nights have sucked from a sleep and stress standpoint. it’s like we are laying in bed for a bomb to explode each night. it all starts with a few whimpers and then escalates rapidly to full on eardrum shattering wailing of an unhappy newborn. the timebomb has been happening from her inability to calm herself, sleep, dirty diaper or whatever else she’s not happy about. the timebomb has happened at every hour of the night and has been pretty consistent as far as every night. it’s a phase, i know, but wow does it take a toll on you fast and deplete every energy reserve you had stored up. oh, and i’m back to drinking caffeine again. in coffee, pop and whatever else. shoot, i’d even sprinkle it on food it it would help!
the nice thing is that last night, i got nearly 6 un-interupted hours of sleep. i didn’t hear dawn get up at two so i was out from about 10 to 4 last night and then out again from 4 to 5:30. that’s about 7ish hour of sleep!
and then when the light of day comes. this little precious beast will turn back into being nothing but precious. until dinner time.
when the countdown begins again!
ps. we’ve put more pictures on the flikr page…